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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582461">Face Of Your Fears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursus_minor/pseuds/favouritebluegod'>favouritebluegod (Ursus_minor)</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursus_minor/pseuds/Ursus_minor'>Ursus_minor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Tom Hiddleston Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU past Dark World, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Enemies to Friends, F/M, Good Loki (Marvel), Loki gives a hug, Loki is a good friend, Loki is an Avenger, Loki makes you feel safe, Nemesis to friend, Odin passed away, You are scared of Loki, frigga is alive</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:20:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,726</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582461</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursus_minor/pseuds/favouritebluegod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursus_minor/pseuds/Ursus_minor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The God of Mischief is the reason you have nightmares. His attack on NY ruined your life, and now you are about to start working with him. The only problem is - you are terrified of Loki - and your first meeting goes terribly wrong, too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki/Original Female Character, Loki/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Holy hell, he truly <em>was</em> scary in real life.</p><p>Tall, dark, imposing.</p><p>Even standing several feet away, you had the feeling that he towered over you. He was far more intimidating than you had anticipated and you were not exactly ecstatic about being in the same room with him. Especially since you knew that you'd have to work with him, eventually. </p><p>Maybe you should have told Tony more about your past. Told him <em>everything</em> about your past.</p><p>No. Had you told him, he would never have allowed you on the team. Not with Loki being a respected member of the Avengers now.</p><p>You'd finally found a place were you belonged. Over the past three months, the people on the team had become your family and the Tower your home. Apart from that, Tony understood what post traumatic stress could do to one's life. He had offered you a job and was willing to accommodate you despite of knowing about your health problems. Severe exhaustion that seemed to come on without reason, unreasonably strong migraines, random panic attacks and last but not least the constant anxiety that had you hide out in your rooms most of the time. </p><p>Everyone on the team was incredibly kind. Especially, Bucky, Natasha and Thor. They really made an effort to make you feel comfortable and part of the family.</p><p>You'd finally found some sort of balance in your life again.</p><p>When you heard that Loki would be on Asgard for a few months, you thought that you'd be able to figure things out until his return. You'd be able to handle him being around. But now, now that you were in the same room with Thor's dark brother, all your bravery faltered and your hopes of being able to stay in your new home dwindled. </p><p>The problem was - you were <em>terrified</em> of him. Well and truly terrified.</p><p>Sure, you were one of the Avengers. You should be fearless, shouldn't you? Trouble was that you weren't the <em>that</em> kind of Avenger. You weren't a bad ass assassin,  a martial arts expert or a goddess. Your super-power didn't give you indomitable strength or made you extra courageous. If there was such a thing as a "plain-and-ordinary" Avenger, you'd be the one. </p><p>You'd be "Miss <em>Extra</em>-Ordinary".</p><p>Snorting softly, you rolled your eyes at yourself for being a drama queen. Maybe, you weren't the bravest Avenger, but you'd lived through a lot. You would get through this, too. You wouldn't give up just because your nemesis was part of the team now. You wouldn't buckle, just because some alien sorcerer slash god slash villain who had destroyed your life was now moving into the apartment two doors down from yours. </p><p>Of all the feelings you should have for Loki, you should be angry. You should <em>hate</em> him, shouldn't you?</p><p>You spied over the rim of your coffee mug, risking a glance at the dark god. Loki's sharp blue eyes snapped up that very moment, his gaze meeting yours. </p><p>Eyes like ice. </p><p>Cold. Cruel. Callous.</p><p>Eyes of a man who would kill without hesitation or remorse. </p><p>Your chest suddenly felt tight. You vaguely noticed that your hands were trembling. Then, Loki's gaze shifted to someone behind you, and while you tried to control the oncoming panic attack, by forcing yourself to breathe, a loud voice boomed your name through the common area lounge. Two strong arms scooped you up and the air that you had so desperately tried to force into your lungs was squeezed out of you again. </p><p>"Thor", you wheezed. "Can't ... breathe."</p><p>The blonde giant abruptly let go of you, carefully putting you back on your feet, only to pull you into a much gentler hug. </p><p>"I always forget how fragile you mortals are", he chuckled.  </p><p>"You're a big oaf", you mumbled against his chest and after a short struggle you finally gave in and hugged him back.</p><p>"I missed you, too." His voice filled with unmistakable amusement. For some reason, Thor never failed to make you smile thanks to an adorable goofiness that didn't quite match the god-like looks. He also made you feel safe whenever he was around, which was probably because of his god-like looks. Overall, he had become like a big brother to your</p><p>You hugged him tighter.</p><p>Oh, you really had missed him.</p><p>When he let you go, he kept his hands on your shoulders to have a look at you. </p><p>"Something is different." He frowned. "Your hair. It's shorter."</p><p>You rolled your eyes at him. </p><p>"It used to be red. Now it's <em>black</em>."</p><p>"See? I knew there was something different about your hair." He grinned and ruffled your hair, which made you scowl at him. </p><p>"Did you have a good time in Asgard?" He had been only been away for a week, but you knew that he hadn't visited his home for several months before that. </p><p>"I forget how beautiful the Realm Eternal is when I spend too much time on Midgard. The Kingdom has prospered under my Mother's rule, she is a worthy Queen, my father would be proud of her."</p><p>"Did you take photos, like you promised?"</p><p>Thor pulled out his phone, his grin growing wider. </p><p>"My mother sends her regards. She was delighted to take the pictures for you."</p><p>"You <em>mother</em>?" You gave off a little squeal. "You mean, the <em>queen</em> of Asgard took photos for <em>me</em>?" You snatched the phone of off him. "Show me. Show me, show me."</p><p>"Demanding as always." Thor laughed, then he turned around, gesturing in Loki's direction. "Why don't I introduce you to my brother first? He is eager to meet you."</p><p>Instantly, your smile fell. Thor didn't notice.</p><p>"I thought you might wish to speak to him and extract some of his secrets", he continued. </p><p>It felt as though the lump that was suddenly growing in your throat, was choking you slowly. </p><p>"I'm sure the two of you will get along well. You will -"</p><p>"No!" you blurted out without thinking, making Thor's eyes widen in surprise. You bit your tongue. "I mean, oh no, I forgot to hand in my report on our last assignment!" What a dumb thing to say! "I mean, I just remembered .... and Loki seems busy anyway ... maybe we can say hello later?"</p><p>Your stammering was pitiful.</p><p>"Are you certain? I cannot wait to get the two of you acquainted." Disappointment was written all over the blonde god's face. </p><p>"I should really get that report in", you lied. </p><p>Thor looked puzzled for a moment, then the glimmer of realization lit up his face. </p><p>"Could it be that you are nervous about meeting my brother?"</p><p>Nervous was an understatement. The thought of meeting Loki face to face triggered nausea, dizziness and the desire to run.</p><p>"You are nervous!"</p><p>You bit your lip and nodded. </p><p>"I guess, he can be a little intimidating", Thor stated amused, not grasping even an iota of the seriousness of the situation. </p><p>"Thor ... I ... He ..."</p><p>"That bad? Well, there is only one way to remedy this."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"You need to face your fears."</p><p>"W-what?!"</p><p>"And the easiest way to face one's fears is by drowning them in mead first. They're much easier to handle afterwards, trust me." He patted your shoulder in a brotherly way while he pulled the mug of coffee from your hands with the other. Before you knew it, you had a bottle of beer in your hand, Thor clinking glasses with you.</p><p>The God of Thunder took a long swig.</p><p>"Ah, not quite the same as Asgardian mead, but it will do."</p><p>Taking a long swig, you instantly pulled a face. </p><p>Good god, you weren't used to alcohol. It dampened your abilities, that's why you avoided it in general. Apart from that, you didn't like the taste. But you also knew that you couldn't escape meeting Loki forever, so maybe this really was the easiest way to face your fears ... drown them in alcohol. </p><p>It may as well have been the stupidest way of facing your fears.</p><p>"I think I need something a little stronger", you muttered as you walked over to the bar pulling a few bottles out before you looked for some kind of juice you could mix with so that it would become somewhat palatable. All this was a mistake, of course, and you should have seen it coming. </p><p>You plopped down on a bar stool, trying to behave casual as you poured vodka, gin and another sharp smelling liquor orange into a cocktail shaker. You added some juice and a sticky red syrup, closed the lid and shook it hard. </p><p>"Ok, show me Asgard." When you tried some of the drink, you couldn't help pull a face again. Yuck. It was way too sweet. </p><p>Then Thor unlocked his phone and your eyes grew large. </p><p>"Is this the <em>palace</em>?" You asked in astonishment, taking a big gulp of the drink. </p><p>Thor laughed.</p><p>"This is just the Bifrost." He swiped to the next photo. "This - is the palace."</p><p>"HOLY COW! This is incredible!!" In your enthusiasm you gulped down the entire drink and following it with beer to temper the sickly sweetness. </p><p>"Wait until you see the rest", he grinned. </p><p>While the pictures were amazing, your tolerance for alcohol was deplorable. It didn't take long until your speech was slurring and it felt as though the floor of the tower was moving beneath you. Thor found it all rather amusing and reminisced about feasts in Asgard. Meanwhile, you desperately tried to regain control of your body. Especially your stomach that didn't seem appreciative of the three self-created cocktails you had had in the past half hour. </p><p>When Thor waved someone over to were you were sitting, you looked up, your gaze narrowing in on the person in front of you. </p><p>It was Loki. </p><p>Loki. </p><p>He said something that sounded like "it's a pleasure to meet you". You were surprised that you didn't even flinch when he reached out his hand in greeting. </p><p>Loki. </p><p>You extended your hand. It wasn't all that bad meeting him, was it?</p><p>Well, it wasn't until Loki's cold fingers wrapped around your own and his glacier-blue eyes locked with yours that the room started spinning and your stomach lurched. </p><p>Shit. This was LOKI!</p><p>With a quick move you pulled your hand back, desperately attempting to cover your mouth, but it was too late. With an undignified gag the contents of your stomach spilled on the thick, soft carpet of the common area, missing the God of Mischief by a hair's breadth. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hi everyone! <br/>So, I'm coming off some medication, which will hopefully help the writing. I apologise for taking so long with updates, but it's been really hard to get the chapters finished. Thank you for reading and being so patient!!! <br/>much love to you 💖</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You buried your face in your hands, wishing that Tony would stop tapping his goddamn finger on the desk. Every single time felt like a hammer pounding inside your brain. </p><p>Ever since you came to see him, Tony hadn't said a single word, which should probably be good reason to worry, but the intensity of your headache was overriding all your fears in this moment. Pain had always worked well as a distraction when you couldn't get a hold of your anxieties. When life became too overwhelming. Things had changed though, when you had started working for SHIELD. The self-harm had stopped, because you'd had something to focus on. You had found something meaningful to do with your life. </p><p>Now Tony had given you another chance - and you blew it. You'd ruined your second chance. That's exactly why you kept away from alcohol. It made you lose control, it didn't feel good and That and you usually ended up doing embarrassing or stupid things ... like puking at Loki's feet. </p><p>The memory made your face flush. </p><p>"Tony, I'm sorry." The whispered words tumbled from your lips without you actually wanting to say them out loud. </p><p>The tapping stopped.</p><p>"What for?" Tony asked casually, but with genuine interest.</p><p>You peeked at him.</p><p>"What for?" </p><p>"Yes", he folded his hands under his chin. "<em>What</em> are you sorry for?"</p><p>
  <em>Uhm.</em>
</p><p>"Well ... for ... because ..." The stammering was rather pitiful, so you took a deep breath and tried to sort your thoughts. "I'm sorry for puking at Loki and ruining your carpet." You blurted out, instantly flushing bright red. </p><p>Tony leaned back in his chair and frowned. </p><p>"Yeah", he sighed. "That you missed him was a bit disappointing. I thought you had better aim than that."</p><p>You rubbed your forehead with your hand.</p><p>"W-w<em>hat</em>?"</p><p>Tony shrugged.</p><p>"Trust me, kid, each and every member of the team has felt like puking at Loki. The Sith-Lord can be a real pain in the ass." He pushed himself forward, bracing his elbows on the table in front of him as he looked at you sternly. "He deserved it, so there is no need to be sorry about <em>that</em>."</p><p>Holy Guacamole.</p><p>"As for the carpet - well, nothing that a cleaning crew can't fix. So, no need to be sorry about that either."</p><p>Ok? Uh. </p><p>"But - boozing with Thor in the middle of the afternoon? THOR, of all people? I assumed you were the one person in this tower who had some common sense. What were you thinking? "</p><p>You shrunk back in your seat. </p><p>"I know ...I shouldn't have been drinking." Stammering - again. "I - I don't know ... I just - well ... Thor ..."</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows and you fell silent.</p><p>"So, it's all Thor's fault, yes?"</p><p>Shit. You had blown your chance. You had blown it. </p><p>With another sigh, Tony crossed his arms over his chest.</p><p>"That's it? You're just giving up like that?"</p><p>A tear spilled from your eye and you quickly wiped it away, embarrassed that you were crying in front of your boss. </p><p>It wasn't fair. He wasn't fair. </p><p>A bout of anger flared up inside you, but you quickly snuffed it out. Don't let it come out. Don't - let it come. Just don't. </p><p>Instead, you took a deep breath and exhaled. Stuffing the tears and fire back down your throat. </p><p>"I am <em>not</em> giving up." Why was your voice so incredibly small? "But, I guess I have to accept the consequences." You continued, unable to look at him.</p><p>"And what do you think the consequences are?" He sounded pretty nice, considering.</p><p>"You - you are going to kick me off the team?" Anxiously, you picked at your fingers. </p><p>"And you're willing to surrender without a fight?" </p><p>You dug your nails into the palms of your hand. </p><p>"I don't have a choice!" You could feel the fire flare up again. Why did he do that? Why did he .... like that? </p><p>"Why do you - why are you trying to make me angry?"</p><p>Tony stared at you for a moment.</p><p>"Because I can handle anger better than helplessness."</p><p>You clenched your teeth. </p><p>"What do you want me to do?" </p><p>"Defend yourself! Tell me what happened. Be honest with me for a start."</p><p>"Honest?"</p><p>"Do you know why I offered you a place on the team? It was because I saw an intelligent, young woman who had done her best in life - and life was still throwing shit at her. I thought you deserved another chance and I haven't regretted my decision, because despite your PTSD you turned out level headed, responsible and extremely easy to work with. Not only for me, but for everyone. But yesterday's behaviour was absolutely immature. So, why don't you start by telling me what happened to make you get totally drunk in the middle of the afternoon, especially when you usually don't touch a drop of alcohol, because it interferes with your abilities?"</p><p>You stared at him. </p><p>When you didn't answer, he took a deep breath. </p><p>"Why don't you start by telling me why Loki scares the shit out of you?"</p><p>You felt the blood drain from your face.</p><p>"It wasn't that hard to work it out. apart from that, Point Break told me that he realised, in retrospect, that you were avoiding his little brother like the plague. Thor tried to get you out of trouble by taking all the blame."</p><p>Oh. That was pretty nice of Thor. </p><p>Tony sighed and raised his hands in a desperate gesture. </p><p>"Talk to me, kid."</p><p>"I - I can't", you muttered softly. </p><p>There was a long pause, before Tony got up, walked around the desk and settled on its edge in front of you. </p><p>"Ok." He said softly. "But am I right? Loki is a trigger?"</p><p>You nodded. </p><p>"So, let's see how we can work with that then."</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>Feeling relieved but totally ready to crawl back into bed, you stepped into the elevator down to your floor. </p><p>Tony and you had tried to find ways to work around your issues with Loki. You wouldn't go on missions with him unless absolutely necessary and he'd organised you to see a therapist. Or rather, had insisted you see one, because you didn't really want to talk about it. Otherwise he'd left it up to you how you dealt with being around Loki in the tower. Your presence was required in general meetings though and mission briefings, but he would make sure that you'd get a seat next to someone you felt secure with. </p><p>You were relieved that he was giving you another chance and didn't just throw you off the team. </p><p>Sometimes the worst case scenarios you conjured up in your mind, didn't work out, witch was a welcome relief, too. </p><p>The elevator stopped and you got off on your floor, heading down the hallway towards the apartment, when you froze. A tall, dark figure was stalking down the hallway, coming straight at you. There was no way you could ignore him. And there was no escape. </p><p>Without thinking, you turned around and hurried back to the elevator, anxiously staring at the polished steel panel watching the reflection of the dark god moving closer. The doors of the elevator opened and you rushed inside, instantly pressing the button to close the doors. Loki was still too far away to make it.</p><p>A sigh of relief escaped you when the silver doors closed.</p><p>They halted with a thud when a black leather clad hand appeared between them, and opened back up to give you a good close up view of the dark God of Asgard.</p><p>You were so scared, you didn't even care if he heard the small whimper that escaped you when Loki stepped inside the cabin. Suddenly the elevator seemed to small, too narrow, the god's figure seemed to take up all space. Wishing you could turn invisible you pressed yourself into a corner. You kept your eyes trained on the floor, focusing on your breathing. </p><p>Just don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. </p><p>"Good morning." His voice was deep, throaty. Dangerous. </p><p>A sort of squeak that used to be your voice, whispered "morning" back. To make things worse, the tall god turned towards you. Since you had your eyes down, you couldn't tell where he was looking, only that his body was turned your way now. </p><p>"I didn't catch your name, yesterday." He said casually, as if nothing awkward had ever happened between the two of you.</p><p>As if you'd never thrown up right at his feet, missing him by a hair's-breadth.</p><p>you felt your cheeks flush at the thought.</p><p>This was bad. You were certain that you were about to pass out from a mixture of fear and embarrassment, but you heard yourself stammer your name. Loki hummed in response. </p><p>"You have not pressed the button. Which floor would you like to go?" </p><p>Which floor? Hell, what? </p><p>"Uh. 11th?" You squeaked again and watched from under your eyelids how he pressed the button. </p><p>Then the doors opened and with a casual "see you" the dark god was gone.</p><p>Your heart was pumping, your mind was blank and your emotions completely overwhelmingly stuck. </p><p>A few seconds later, the elevator stopped at the 11th floor where you got out by default, stood there for about half a minute attempting to bring your focus back into the moment. You weren't in the past anymore. You were safe here. Safe. The sharp pain of digging your nails into your palms did it in the end. you managed to walk back into the elevator and somehow you made it back to your room, where you collapsed onto your bed and drifted off into an awefully restless sleep. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you all for your reading and enjoying this story!! And for kudos and comments. 💖 much love xx</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things went surprisingly well from there. Avoiding your dark nemesis whenever possible felt awkward in the beginning, but it was the only way. You developed a sensitivity to whenever Loki was around so that you could make your exit look "natural" and not too panicky.  Whenever Loki walked into a room, you walked out. By now you had quite a few good excused at hand to why you had to leave. Whenever you were on a mission together, you sat in the front as Loki usually took a seat at the back. In meetings, you were usually at the opposite end of the table, preferably next to Thor, Bucky or Natasha. </p><p>The one thing that had you worried as to how you were going to manage it were the "family" nights - shared dinner and subsequent movie in the lounge. You really didn't want to miss out on that, but you also knew that you wouldn't be able to be relaxed and light-hearted in Loki's presence. Luckily, fate was on your side, because Loki seemed to prefer the solitude of his quarters to socialising with the team. </p><p>The following weeks pretty much passed without further complications - apart from the fact that Thor kept trying to persuade you that Loki had changed and every one else on the team kept dropping conspicuously positive comments about the dark god. And you almost softened up to the idea to finally face him.</p><p>That was until you saw Loki fight.</p><p>It was on a mission to a Hydra base. Since you weren't the bad-ass kind of Avenger, but the healer on the team and had to remain in one piece to be useful, you stayed back in the jet as usual. Tony kept you connected to the team via cameras on the computer system and you helped coordinating things from the outside. That's how you got to see him fight.</p><p>He was like a tornado of destruction. Flashes of green light, daggers whirling through the air - the way Loki moved, so smoothly and almost graceful was absolutely deadly. His movements looked like a dance. A dance with death. </p><p>When he was done there were bodies scattered all around him and his face held the coldest expression you had ever seen. Then he casually used one of the dead men's uniforms to wipe the blood off his dagger.</p><p>The perfect killer.</p><p>He was frightening. Terrifying. And he wasn't human. </p><p>You weren't sure how the others could trust him, but you would never be able to see him as anything but a monster. </p><p>This was confirmed when the team returned to the jet. Everyone looked shattered, but Loki looked - like someone out of a horror movie. The pale skin of his face splattered with blood, the strands of his midnight black hair were clinging to his forehead, and his eyes - those piercing icy eyes - reminded you of a wolf. They were cold. Calculating. Dangerous.</p><p>The perfect predator. </p><p>You quickly looked away. It had been a rough fight and you needed to check on everyone - sometimes, you felt pretty useless though, on a team that cosisted of demi-gods and super-solders. Listening to Thor's exuberant narratives of the fight, you started fixing a deep slash on Natasha's arm (even though she insisted that she didn't need any help). Thor's enthusiasm made you chuckle and didn't pay much attention when someone stepped up next to you. </p><p>Of course, you instinctively looked up - and straight into those cold, calculating eyes. </p><p>"You look unwell." That deep voice was far too close to a growl to be human.</p><p>Loki held your gaze, it was as though he was looking straight into you, trying to strip you of your soul. He smelled like blood and leather and your mouth was suddenly dry. </p><p>Natasha's hand wrapped around your wrist and squeezed it gently, diverging your focus. You forcefully pulled your gaze away from Loki. </p><p>Breathe.</p><p>Focus.</p><p>"Fine. I'm ... fine", you muttered, frantically trying to focus your energy on healing again. It didn't work when you were scared.  </p><p>"If you need assistance, I may be able to ..." Loki started. </p><p>"No!" You blurted out, cutting him off.</p><p>"I am merely attempting ..."</p><p>What the hell was he doing? </p><p>Your heart was racing in your chest now. </p><p>Stop.</p><p>Go away.</p><p>"I can handle this myself." You hissed, rather proud of yourself because your voice actually sounded strong. Nevertheless, you weren't able to look at Loki while you spoke and your hands were shaking slightly. Your words had the desired effect though - Loki left you alone and took his seat at the back of the jet. </p><p>Quietly you finished healing the cut on Nat's arm, determined not to surrender to the anxiety that was festering inside your chest and stomach. </p><p>"It's not often that Loki actually offers help. You should give him a chance", Natasha said softly and you did your best to ignore her.</p><p>That night you didn't sleep well. Your dreams were riddled with flashbacks of falling buildings, screaming people and the chaos of the battle of New York. As if that wasn't enough, there was a blood-splattered dark god who walked the streets of the city, killing everything in his path.</p><p>You watched in horror. When the gaze of his frosty eyes fell on you, you tried to run but your feet were too heavy to move. All you could do was watch him stalk towards you. </p><p>"You cannot run from me." He growled as he approached. "I will always find you."</p><p>You tried to scream, but your mouth wouldn't open - even as long, cold fingers closed around your throat. </p><p>His eyes seemed to glow red as he looked down at you with a sneer. </p><p>You woke with a start, a scream stuck deep inside your throat. It didn't escape. </p><p>For a few seconds you just lay there, unable to move. Your breath shallow and your heart racing.</p><p>It took a while for you to realise where you were. The dream had been so real. Too real. </p><p>Not real. Not real.</p><p>It took a lot longer for you to be able to focus on breathing.</p><p>Breathe. </p><p>Just a dream. </p><p>Breathe.</p><p>Just a dream.</p><p>Breathe. </p><p>You wanted to reach out and switch on the light, but your arm wouldn't move. </p><p>Just a dream. </p><p>Move. </p><p>You are safe.</p><p>Move. </p><p>Totally safe.</p><p>Move.</p><p>Your body evidently didn't believe that you were safe, because it didn't obey you. </p><p>You dug your nails into your palms. The pain helped to anchor you in the present.  </p><p>Just a dream. </p><p>Safe. </p><p>You dug your nails deeper into your palms. </p><p>Safe. </p><p>"Jarvis. Lights."</p><p>Your voice sounded foreign. Too loud. Too urgent.</p><p>The moment the lights came on, you felt yourself relax slightly. Slowly, you moved your gaze around the room, taking in your surroundings - the bed, the wardrobe, the fern in the corner, the pretty painting above your dresser - you felt your diaphragm loosen up a little, allowing more air into your lungs. </p><p>Just a dream. Not real. </p><p>Not real. </p><p>After fifteen minutes you were finally able to sit up and take a few deep breaths. You needed to get up and move around. Bring yourself back into the present moment. This wasn't the the battle of New York. You were in Stark Tower. You were safe. </p><p>A stinging pain in your hands caught your attention. </p><p>Without thinking, you went to the bathroom and washed the blood off your palms. Then you got some bandages to wrap around your hands. There was blood on your sheets, too, so you changed them. Then you went to check the messages on your phone and got a glass of water. After that you settled back in bed. It was unlikely that you were going back to sleep, so you skimmed through your favourite kitten videos on Youtube. You'd seen most of them, but it didn't matter. Kittens always helped. </p><p>You just wished that you could have one of those tiny little fluff balls snuggled up in your arm and purr you to sleep. </p><p>Well, that wasn't going to happen. Tony wasn't into pets.</p><p>And a kitten wasn't going to solve your problems, was it? </p><p>***</p><p> </p>
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